I think i might be gay?

i dont know what to think anymore. i am an extremely attractive guy not even tooting my own horn ;) and i can get any girl i want but ive never made a connection, i mean i always thought i did but something always went wrong. i would get angry about stupid things like if she loved me back or not or i would start questioning why i even liked them. i've been hurt so many times by that evil creature that plagues this earth called women and i just cant take it anymore. and lately ive found myself becoming more and more attracted to guys and i let comments about when i think a guy is attractive or not slip out in front of my friends and family and i cant help it. i dont know what i want! i just want to be normal :( but i cant fight this feeling that i'm not meant to be with a girl because theyre too much like me. i like poetry and romantic movies. i spen almost an hour everyday on my hair (thats cus i straighten it cus its too curly and i HATE that)i cry when something upsetting happens instead of nudging it off like my guy friends do, and when i get my heart broken i sit in my room and cry and listen to sad music instead of going and banging the girls bestfriend as my best friend so eloquently put it lol. i just want to know what im supposed to do. i cant explain any of this to my family theyre anti-gay to the max and they would shun me forever. ..i just feel so alone and ashamed ...is what i feel normal? i cant tell anyone because im afraid of what theyll think. im getting more and more depressed every day that goes by because i dont know who i am anymore :( i started drinking heavily in hopes that it would ease the feelings and make them go away but they just end up being worse. please help. im soooooo lostttt :(